Ahem

Hello.
My name's Louise.
And I should be writing more blogs.


They have been lacking, to say the least, over the past month...or two. I can't help it. Well, that's a lie, I can help it. ALAS, I have taken on the wise advice from mother owl which is "SORT YOURSELF OUT LOUISE, AND GET YOUR BLOODY PRIORITIES RIGHT." So, I have.


Right now I'm sitting in my school skirt and an England top, £5 from New Look, bargain. I'm not a complete obsessive 'vuvuzelas start at dawn' football fanatic, but, well, I can at least look the part. Plus it has red in it which goes nicely with my lucky bracelet, which, let's be honest, if we end up ACTUALLY winning, will be the sole reason we did. No offence, *cough* Green *cough*. I actually watched the first World Cup match at a pub with my Dad, I know right, ME. Pfft. I really got into it, you know, tweeting about it the whole 30mins I lasted there, before glaring at Dad until he got the message to take me home. Although the thing that caught my eye was the fly bashing into the rather large screen. I narrated him. "I can bloody hear them, but where the eff are they?!" *sniggers* I then carried on altering my dress and listening to S Club 7, much more my comfort zone.


*falls off chair reaching for sock*


Last week was the worst exam week EVER. And it's OVER. *falls to knees, sobs* YES. THANK YOU. *grabs Jesus' feet* And now I have only 5 left, spread over 3 weeks. YAYSQUARED. To celebrate, myself, Matt and mum went to her maj's gaff to watch loads of horses poo, soldiers faint and have to Royal famalam wave to us. I LOVED IT. Our family is very Royalist, I think that's the word? We love Liz and her crew, my nan and other relatives even camped out to see a wedding, or two, or three. Those genes have clearly passed on cos I love them too, sadcase. Here are the photos, they're quite good. *smugface* Anyway, it was London. AND I WANT TO MARRY THE CAPITAL. Next engagement, X Factor auditions, 23rd June. *explodes*


In my last blog I said I was going to write a book. I started it. Then I stopped. It's much harder than it seems, I appear to spend most of my time leaning back in my chair, smoking an imaginary pipe and rubbing my metaphorical beard. I'll put it on my to-do list.


Troops, it is nearly summer. I have my 16-25 railcard and I will storm all cities (within reason) during my two months off. I AM UBER EXCITED. *streaks in garden* THAT'S HOW EXCITED I AM. 

However now I must go and make an omelette. Phwoar.


I LOVE YOU.


Bye. X

Book Review High Price by Dr Carl Hart A Life and the Lies in Drug Abuse Research

For a long time I have been critical about conclusions drawn from animal experiments which purported to be models for addictive behavior with drugs in humans. In particular, I got annoyed hearing over and over about how rats and rhesus monkeys would press levers to get cocaine, heroin, or methamphetamine compulsively, even until they died, choosing drugs over even food and water. These experiments were touted  incessantly by so-called experts. As I mentioned in a previous post, the head of the National Institute for Drug Abuse, Dr. Nora Volkov, even had the nerve to say that rats and humans could have the same phenotype!

My usual response to this was that rats and monkeys do not know about the damage the drugs might do to them, but that humans do, and that makes the comparison ridiculous if not completely preposterous. Furthermore, if a monkey experienced the “crash” that followed stopping cocaine or meth, it would not know that the crash was due to the drug, only that the drug stopped the crash.  And scientists even STILL have had no luck in finding rats who hide bottles of alcohol.

As it turns out, these points, while probably valid, are only minor considerations in determining the lessons to be learned from these animal studies. A far bigger issue was that the experiments were not even accurately or honestly described by those touting them. In an outstanding new book called High Price by African-American neurospsychologist Carl Hart, a faculty member at Columbia University, the author points out that descriptions of the environments in which the animals were kept were completely missing from the descripions, but that environmental factors were key in determining animal drug use behavior.

Dr. Carl Hart

The animals in these experiments were essentially kept in solitary confinement, as they had throughout most of their lives, and had nothing else to do but push the lever!  If they were instead placed in an enriched environment with alternatie activities available and other animals with which to socialize, their “drug-seeking” behavior changed drastically.

A series of experiments that the drug warriors don't want you to know about were conducted in the 1970s, and known as Rat Park. Researchers allowed two groups of rats to self-administer morphine. They housed the first group in stark cages, one rat to a cage. They placed the second group in an “enriched environment,” which offered opportunities to burrow, play, and copulate. The isolated rats drank 20 times more morphine-laced sugar water than those enjoying the Rat Park. These results have been reproduced using both cocaine and amphetamine.

Dr. Hart points out that if you were held in solitary confinement with just one movie to watch, you might watch it over and over. That would not prove that the movie itself was addictive!  In people, when they have appealing alternatives, they often do not choose to take drugs in a self-destructive manner.

Add to the mix of misinformation about drug abuse is the unheralded but monumental effect of racism on both drug use and the prevailing ideas about it.  Legal bans on certain drugs (and not others) were legislated after widespread reporting of highly exaggerated horror stories about drug use by a despised minority:  crack cocaine by Blacks, marijuana by Blacks and Mexicans, methamphetamines by toothless "poor white trash" in Appalachia, and opium by Chinese railway workers. No one was immune from these cultural influences and myths, including the minorities themselves. The Black Caucus in the United States Congress was, originally, solidly behind the huge and unfair differences in the length of jail sentences for people convicted of using crack vs. powdered cocaine, the effects of which drugs are physiologically identical.

Some facts:  The problems in the black urban community attributed to crack were already prevalent well before crack was even introduced. The vast majority of illegal drug users do not become addicted or even psychologically dependent on the drug. Among addicts, half are employed full time. Violent convicts in jails are less likely to abuse drugs than other prisoners. The vast majority of homicides do not involved drug use, and alcohol is probably the worst offender among those that do. Dealing crack is only about as profitable as working at McDonalds for low level dealers. Few people who abuse drugs take only one drug, yet there are very few studies of the effects of combinations of drugs. Self reports from addicts who are asked about their cravings for the drugs do not predict whether or not an addict in recovery will relapse.

Adderall and Methamphetamine are nearly identical molecules with identical effects, yet drug manufacturers go out of their way to say that those children treated with stimulants for “ADHD” are no more likely to go on to abuse drugs than anyone else.  Of course, since their drugs are already being legally provided to them by physicians, they have no need to obtain them from illegal sources, which is one of the measures the experts use to measure drug abuse!

This kind of circular reasoning in the literature abounds. In a series of experiments with rhesus monkeys, Dr. Hart reports, “…researchers found that the animals’ choice to use cocaine is reduced to the size of the food reward they are offered as an alternative.” People are now using this data to claim that junk food is as addictive as cocaine, when initially cocaine was claimed to be “…especially addictive because animals preferred  it to food when hungry.” (p.93).

The book by Dr. Hart is especially eye opening because it combines discussions of this sort of pseudoscience with the author’s explorations about his own personal story. As an African-American having grown up in an inner city in which many of his friends and relatives did poorly and got into drugs and crime, he asks himself why he not only escaped this but became an Ivy League professor and an expert. The experiences of this black man in America shines a bright light on the real causes of self destructive behavior. It is not drugs.

The following graphic is not discussed in the book, but, with what we know about the havoc that a felony conviction and hanging out with convicts for months or years can create in the lives of young men, it is clear that far more harm is inflicted on drug users by the laws against drug use than by the drugs themselves.

By the way, do you know how to abuse drugs? You hold them in your hand and scream at them, “You worthless pile of sh*t!  You call that a buzz?? You suck!” You then throw them to the ground and stomp on them. 

Yeah, it’s the self that’s being abused by addicts, not the drugs. 

You owe it yourself to read this highly engrossing and informative book.

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Writing All Night Act of Genius or Just Bad Practice

I have some unusual work habits. Or, at least, when I tell others about my work habits, they sort of blanch and say, "you poor thing!"

It started in college and got worse in graduate school, and now that I am a fully-fledged professional, I haven't changed. Here's what I do: when there's something due on a particular date, like a written report, I get up around two in the morning that day, and I start working. Yeah, I get a few hours of sleep, and then I pretty much stay up all night.

I can't manage to do it the day before. I can't stay up late and do it the evening before. There's something about waiting until the last possible moment that makes me type and think faster. I get hyperfocused--in the zone--and I get this stuff done pretty fast. Don't get me wrong--I do all the prep work ahead of time. I have all my information gathered in advance. It's the writing I do at the last minute.

This behavior has been reinforced. Heavily. See, I've developed a reputation in the state where I work as a psychologist who writes these super-comprehensive, helpful reports. And pediatricians, other social service agencies, and the state Department of Children, Youth, and Families keep referring clients to me. So I guess I'm doing all right.

But just last month, there was a study published in the Journal of Neuroscience that got my attention. Some scientists studied the brains of healthy young adults and discovered that the brain's pleasure centers are much more activated after a sleepless night. And that activation leads to a sense of euphoria and a tendency toward risky behavior. With sleep deprivation, the brain is more likely to swing to extremes on the mood spectrum, and that can result in impulsive decisions because one is feeling so optimistic. In addition, without adequate sleep, the brain's decision-making region (the prefrontal cortex) gets de-activated. But you know what gets activated in its place? The amygdala, which controls the brains more primal functions, like the fight-or-flight reflex.

In other words, sleep deprivation doesn't just result in fatigue and general droopiness.

The article goes on to suggest that people in high-stakes professions should make sure they get adequate sleep in order to maintain safety and good judgment.

Now, on some level, I knew this. I spend a lot of time talking with parents about the importance of sleep, both for their children and for themselves. But the idea that I might be more impulsive after a night of sleep deprivation because I'm feeling euphoric and overly optimistic ... it's something to think about, for a whole host of reasons, including my responsibility to my family and my clients.

Should I change my ways? And how about you? Do you pull all-nighters? If so, why? Have you felt this kind of effect after a sleepless night? Does it make sense?  And if this is actually the case, would you want to try writing under the influence of your brain on sleep-deprivation, just to see what you come up with? Do you think you'd be more creative, or completely unfocused? Are you afraid you'd kill one of your key characters in a fit of euphoric whimsy?

Oh! And don't forget to zip over to Lydia's for Medical Monday, and Laura's for Mental Health Monday!

Ve Have Vays of Making You Talk Part VI Post Hoc Reasoning

Reproduced from http://xkcd.com/552/

In Part I of this post, I discussed why family members hate to discuss their chronic repetitive ongoing interpersonal difficulties with each other (metacommunication), and the problems that usually ensue whenever they try. 

I discussed the most common avoidance strategy - merely changing the subject (#1) - and suggested effective countermoves to keep a constructive conversation on track. In Part II, I discussed strategies #2 and #3, nitpicking and accusations of overgeneralizing respectively. In Part III, I discussed strategy #4, blame shifting. In Part IV, strategy #5, fatalism.

This post is the second in a series about strategy #6, the use of irrational arguments.  Descriptions of this strategy have been subdivided into several posts because, in order to counter irrational arguments, one first has to recognize them.  I will hold off describing strategies to counter the irrational arguments until after I have describe some of the most common types.

Irrational arguments are used in metacommunication to throw other people. The other individuals either becomes confused about, or unsure of the validity of, any point they are trying to make or question they are trying to ask.  Fallacious arguments are also frequently used to avoid divulging an individual's real motives for taking or having taken certain actions. 

The fallacy I would like to discuss in this post is post hoc ergo propter hoc, which literally translated means "after this, therefore because of this." Under this fallacy, two events that occur in sequence are merely assumed to be causally related. That is, if event B follows event A, then an assumption is made that A caused B, even though many other environmental events were also going on during the time between A and B that could have caused B, either individually or in some combination.

This sort of fallacy can be funny when it is obvious but difficult to detect when subtle. No one would believe a doctor who claims that headaches are caused by a deficiency in the body of aspirin, but the debate rages on over whether the effects on assailants of por­nographic movies caused them to become rapists.

I frequently see this fallacy used in arguments made by the anti-psychiatry crowd.  If some psychiatric symptom developed by a patient occurred after he or she either started or discontinued a drug, they argue that it simply must have been caused by the medication.  Well, sometimes it is, but often it is not.  The further removed in time from when the medication was started or discontinued, the less likely it becomes that the drug had anything to do with the symptom. 

There are a very limited number of drug-induced symptoms that, once started, never go away, and those usually involve a situation in which a drug actually grossly damaged an organ.  Some dyes used in X-ray procedures, for example, may physically damage the kidneys. Tardive dyskinesia, a long-term neurological problem in the central nervous system caused by antipsychotic medication, is one obvious exception.

Withdrawal symptoms from addictive drugs almost always go away after a relatively short period of time.

With patients in psychotherapy, the post hoc fallacy is most frequently seen with during conjoint marital or family sessions. When spotted, such a fallacy may reveal the presence of a family myth.  A family myth is a false belief that assists family members in suppressing those thoughts, feelings, preferences, or behavior deemed to be unacceptable and in allowing one or more family members to continue playing a spe­cific role. The myth may be believed by an individual, a sub­system of the family, or the entire family.

Family myths may take the form of a causal explanation of a family member's be­havior that is not the true explanation. In order to be believ­able, the myth often makes use of the post hoc ergo propter hoc fallacy. In such a myth, the belief in a causal connection is based solely on a sequence of events that takes place in a certain period of of time. If the behavior to be explained begins after a certain event, the behavior is blamed on the event. As with other mechanisms used by people who are attempting to hide their true feelings and beliefs, the proposed cause often re­veals clues to the real cause, even though the proposed cause is meant to be a smokescreen.

One example occurred in a family being seen under duress from a probation officer. A young teenager was caught shoplifting. He lived with his father and his siblings. The mother ­had not only divorced the father but abandoned the family, entirely abdicating any family responsibility in order to pursue a career. The father could rarely spend time with the boy because the firm that he worked for was demanding more and more overtime. The father ­routinely worked fourteen-hour days; he expressed disappointment· that the boy could not take better care of himself without supervision.

The post hoc fallacy was expressed in the session following an incident in which the son picked a fight with another boy who was twice his size. The father theorized that the son had engaged in this rather dangerous activity because he had not had a good night's sleep the night before the inci­dent - and was therefore overly irritable.

This seemed to me a rather odd explanation. When provoked, overly irritable people will sometimes unthinkingly do or say things that they other­wise might keep to themselves, but they seldom go out looking for trouble.

The father appeared to be attempting to veer away from any explanation of the boy's odd behavior that might involve family dynamics, but he unwittingly revealed something about himself. It was he, the father, not the son, who was irritable from lack of sleep.

I later guessed that the boy's acting-out behavior was a feeble attempt to force the father, who was utterly ex­hausted from working so much, to work less. The probation officer had in fact required the father to be at home more in order to supervise the misbehav­ing youngster. The boy was also bidding for more attention, as many therapists would theorize, but I believed that he was genuinely concerned about his father’s mental health.

When I suggested to the father that the boy was, at great per­sonal sacrifice, attempting to indirectly demonstrate his concern by forcing the father to insist on more time off, the father never really bought it. However, soon Dad was spending more time home, and the patient stopped acting out. No causal connection between my intervention and the boy’s subsequent im­provement was ever established. 

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Getting to Know More about Dementia

"It wasn't until 1995 that I first noticed that Peter was acting strangely. I thought he wasn't interested in his business any more. He appointed a manager and took early retirement at the age of 54. From then on, he became a different person…” These are the words of a woman whose husband was diagnosed with Alzheimer’s Disease- the most common type of dementia. To read the full story and get to know the every day struggles of people who suffer from dementia and their loved ones.

Dementia is a general term to describe symptoms involving difficulties with cognitive functions such as memory, language, reasoning, planning, recognizing, or identifying people or objects.

Symptoms of dementia

 

Based on the website for medical news today, the most common symptoms of dementia are:

• Frequent and progressive memory loss. People with dementia begin to forget more and more, and the most recent events seem to be forgotten most quickly. Occasionally though, clear "pockets of memory" are still present, and these are usually triggered by familiar faces, smells, touches, songs, or rituals.
• Language difficulties: People with dementia are often unable to understand instructions or to follow the logic of moderately complex sentences. He or she may not understand his or her own sentences, and have difficulty forming thoughts into words. Occasionally, everyone has trouble finding the right word, but a person with dementia often forgets simple words or substitutes unusual words, making speech or writing hard to understand.
• Confusion: This behavior causes a person with dementia to become "estranged" from others and to be unpredictable in interactions. Confusion can also occur "acutely", that is, suddenly and limited in time (for example, triggered by a hospital stay). In addition to this general confusion, people with dementia are disoriented in time and place. They often forget the current time and get lost in a familiar environment.
• Inability to perform familiar tasks. People with dementia often find it hard to complete everyday tasks that are so familiar we usually do not think about how to do them. In particular, people with dementia have great problems carrying out activities in the proper sequence. For instance, they may not know in what order to put on their clothes.
• Difficulty with abstract thinking. People with dementia often show unusual difficulty performing mental tasks. For instance, planning tasks, making decisions, or organizing projects become more and more difficult. They also lose the ability to make simple monetary transactions such as paying a bill.
• Misplacing belongings. Anyone can temporarily misplace his/her wallet or keys. A person with dementia may put things in unusual places such as an iron in the fridge or a wristwatch in the sugar bowl.
• Rapid mood swings: People with dementia become extremely moody, switching between emotions within a matter of seconds for no apparent reason. Alternatively, a person with dementia may show less emotion than s/he used to do previously.
• Behavioural changes: A person with dementia may seem different from his/her usual self in ways that are difficult to identify or explain. A person may become suspicious, irritable, depressed, apathetic, anxious, or agitated, especially in situations where memory problems are causing difficulties.
• Apathy/ lack of initiative: A person with dementia may become very passive, sitting in front of the television for hours, sleeping more than usual, or appear to lose interest in hobbies.

While there are some common symptoms of dementia, it is important to remember that everyone is unique. Some people may show all of these symptoms, while other may only exhibit some of them, but to a greater extent.

Progression of Dementia through its three stages

 Mild or Early-Stage dementia

Dementia usually begins gradually with very minor changes in the person's abilities or behaviour. In this phase, such signs are often attributed to stress or bereavement or, in older people, to the normal process of aging. Mostly, one only realizes by looking back that these signs marked the beginning of dementia. During the early phase of dementia, the person may:

• Become more forgetful of details of recent events
• Be more likely to repeat themselves or lose the thread of a conversation
• Be slower to grasp complex ideas and take longer to complete routine jobs
• Have difficulty handling money
• Show poor judgement and make poor decisions
• Blame others for 'stealing' lost items
• Lose interest in hobbies or activities
• Be unwilling to try new things
• Be unable to adapt to change
• Become more self-centered and less concerned with others and their feelings
• Be more irritable or upset if they fail at something
• Appear more apathetic, with less sparkle

Moderate or mid- stage Dementia

As dementia progresses, the changes become more marked and disabling.

People with dementia slowly move from forgetfulness into confusion. The person lives more and more in his/her own, dreamlike world in which present and past blend together and in which the rules and structures of the 'old world' - what is right, what is important - lose importance. At this stage people with dementia increasingly see themselves not as confused in a logical environment, but as oriented in a very unfamiliar environment.

During the moderate phase of dementia, the person may:

• Be increasingly forgetful of recent events. Memory for the distant past seems better, but some details may be forgotten or confused
• Repeat the same question or phrase over and over
• Be confused regarding time and place
• Become lost if away from familiar surroundings
• Forget names of family or friends
• Fail to recognize people or confuse them with others
• Forget saucepans and kettles on the stove. May leave gas unlit
• Wander around streets, perhaps at night, sometimes becoming lost
• Behave inappropriately - for example, going outdoors in their nightwear
• See or hear things that are not there (hallucinations)
• Become very repetitive
• Be neglectful of hygiene or eating
• Become angry, upset or distressed through frustration

Some people at this stage become very easily upset, angry or aggressive, perhaps owing to frustration, or they may become overly attached to a certain person.

At this moderate stage, the person will need more support to help them manage their day-to-day living. They may need frequent reminders or help to eat, wash, dress and use the toilet.

Severe or Late-Stage dementia 

At this stage, a person with dementia becomes severely disabled and will need even more help, gradually becoming totally dependent on others for nursing care.

Loss of memory may be almost complete, with the person unable to recognize familiar objects or surroundings or even those closest to them, although there may be sudden flashes of recognition. Patients are also less able to establish and maintain eye contact and appear to see through people. They may even stop recognizing themselves in the mirror.

Access to their 'bubble'-like world in which they hide and retreat becomes more difficult as language deteriorates. Repetitive movements might emerge, like rocking, undressing, or walking up and down.

Although they can't speak anymore, they are sometimes able to sing hymns and say prayers (automatism).

At this stage, the person may:

• Be unable to remember - for even a few minutes - that they have had, for example, a meal
• Gradually lose their ability to understand or use speech
• Be incontinent
• Show no recognition of friends and family
• Need help with washing, bathing, using the toilet or dressing
• Show difficulty in eating and sometimes swallowing
• Fail to recognize everyday objects
• Be disturbed at night
• Be restless, sometimes looking for a long dead relative
• Be distressed and aggressive, especially when feeling threatened or closed in
• Become increasingly physically weak, starting to shuffle or walk unsteadily, eventually becoming confined to a wheelchair
• Have uncontrolled movements

Eventually, immobility will become permanent and, in the final weeks or months, the person will be bedridden.

References

http://www.medicalnewstoday.com/articles/142214.php

http://www.nhs.uk/Conditions/dementia-guide/Pages/living-with-dementia-real-story.aspx

Side Effects

There are certain medications that have been documented as having a huge impact on the pain of Trigeminal Neuralgia. As no two people with TN have the very same symptoms, medications will effect everyone differently.

I have tried lots of different ones. Tegretol was the worst. I did notice some improvement with pain, but the side effects were ridiculous. I started off on a fairly low dose, but it did not agree with me. My GP informed me that it might take a few weeks for my body to adjust to Tegretol, but after two months the side effects were worse. I couldn't drive, I was always stumbling, my balance was gone, I was talking complete nonsense most of the time and my memory was bad, really bad. If I needed to drive somewhere, I couldn't take my tablets, or I had to wait about 3-4 hours after taking them to drive.

That is no way to live life.

I was taken of Tegretol and having already tried Lyrica and Baclofen(that made me collapse), my neurologist wanted to give Lyrica another try. As I have mentioned before, I have been on a very low dose and I am slowly increasing it. There is to date, NO DIFFERENCE in my pain. Over the counter and prescription painkillers have little effect on my Trigeminal Neuralgia pain, they make me sleepy so I don't take them. I am also afraid of becoming dependant on them.

Are the medications worth the side effects? There was a subtle difference on Tegretol, but my stupid body can't tolerate it, even in small doses.

My GP knows that I am sensitive to meds, and I highly am allergic to quite a few, so he is very reluctant to change my meds. I am STILL waiting for an appointment with the pain clinic in Beaumont Hospital so hopefully they will find a miracle drug for me.

Bad Vibrations

Oh Monday, here you are again! 

Is that the normal response to what is described as the worst day of the week? Doubtful. When Trigeminal Neuralgia is a fact of life, it often doesn't matter what day it is. 

I can't go out to pubs or nightclubs. Now I could go out and drink coke or 7up, but it's the noise that I can't take. I have noticed it and really has upset me. This rules out concerts and gigs, and that is just not cool. 

I love music, and great music needs to be played LOUD, or not at all. The vibrations set off my pain. That rules out clubs and pubs. Normally I hate the stuff played in nightclubs so that's no great loss, but when all loud music is intolerable, that is soul destroying. I can't put earphones in and get lost in a great song like I used to, in fact I can't put earphones or ear buds near my left ear at all! 

What am I going to do when some of my favourite bands announce concerts, or there is a great gig going on? There is no point logging onto the ticketmaster website, waiting for tickets and the adrenaline of refreshing the page to make sure I am in the queue. The excitement when these tickets come in the door, and the absolute nirvana of having a drink in the bar of a venue, waiting for these fantastic musicians to take the stage. Then when they take to the stage and hammer out the songs that I know and love. The palpitations when I get to see my heroes up close, see them clutch their guitars, grab microphones and belt out their masterpieces. Thanks to Trigeminal Neuralgia, that is all gone for me, and it's not fair. 


It may seem strange that facial pain can stop life like this, and I would have been a sceptic. Vibrations and noise set off my pain, especially loud noises. Even the smoke alarm going off when I burned toast set off an attack that nearly knocked me on my ass. 

Does this affect everyone with TN, or am I in the minority? It would be interesting to know.

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Panty Meme Pony

Now I've gone and cooked my own goose. After several of us taunted, bullied, and threw root vegetables at Greenwoman on Twitter, she went ahead and rose to the challenge of creating a meme entirely based on the theme of panties. That's right, undergarments.

I'd rather not go into the sordid history of this meme.

The rules are, of course, copy the questions, answer them, and tag others to do the same.

What do you call your panties/underwear/undergarments? Do you have any commonly used nicknames for them?
I call them Turtledove, Strümgang, and Misty.

Have you ever had that supposedly common dream of being in a crowded place in only your underwear?
Yes, and the worst part is that I was wearing them on my head—not on my nethers!

What is the worst thing you can think of to make panties out of?
Brussels sprouts, rutabaga shavings, and discarded vampire fangs.

If you were a pair of panties, what color would you be, and WHY?
Puce. Puce Panties is pleasantly and pulchritudinously alliterative!

Have you ever thrown your panties/underwear at a rock star or other celebrity? If so, which one(s)? If not, which one(s) WOULD you throw your panties/underwear at, given the opportunity?
I would throw my (clean and freshly-laundered) panties at Greenwoman.

You’re out of clean panties. What do you do?
If I dare
I shall wear no underwear
The wind will whip and whistle
Through my nether hair
If I dare

[too bad I missed the Poetry Schmoetry meme, eh?]

Are you old enough to remember Underoos? If so, did you have any? Which ones?
Yes! And I never got them! Just like I never got a Big Wheel and a PONY. Mom? Mom?!! Oh yeah, you don't read my blog (and don't even know about it) which is why I can say "fuckity fuck fuck" without worrying. But, mother, you are growing on in years. Perhaps it is time to introduce you to the frenetic author you birthed from your loins.

If you could have any message printed on your panties, what would it be?
Liquor in the front. Poker in the rear.

How many bloggers does it take to put panties on a goat?
17.

Tag Four People and tell them why you are being so cruel to them.       
1. Cherie of Ready. Write. Go. Because she is a marvelous member of the ever-ridiculous and awesome GOAT POSSE. (#goatposse)
2. Bethany.  Because she will bring it in all the ways that it should be broughten! (Dirty martini ruins grammar.)
3. Tracey Hansen. If it involves panties and perversion, she may not be left out of it.
3. Suzanne Payne. This charming woman keeps showing up on Twitter with funny comments, and now she must pay the price of the panty meme!

Signposts

I had been suffering from severe depression for just over three months when I wrote this. Although feelings of despair dominate the diary entry, threads of hope are also woven through it.

25th March 1990 -
Will I Ever See Daylight Again?
I feel like a bird trapped in a small birdcage,
A birdcage hidden at the bottom of a dark basement.
And all I want to do is break out of the blackness,
And fly into the Sonlight which waits outside.
I can feel it, the Light –
It’s all around the basement.
The Light is greater than the basement.
All I want to do is get into that Light,
And loose myself in it.
But it is an impossible task – I can’t get out.
And the thick, murky black air closes in…

I feel like I’m in a room with invisible walls.
But it’s so black in the room,
That I can’t see through the walls.
And I am the centre of the room.
Where I go, the room goes – I can’t get out.
I wish someone would chain the room still,
So I could get out into the Light outside.

There must be Light outside! I can remember it!
And other people I see everyday walk in it.
But how do I get out?
How do I get to the Light?

Oh Jesus, You are the Light of the world.
Please shatter this darkened prison I live in,
And take me into Your light.
Let it consume me, encompass me, surround me.
Let me become one with You, You in me, me in You.

Will this nightmare ever end?
Those who have been here before me,
Have left sign posts along the way,
Showing the way out.
But they all say the same thing:
“Wait, you’ll come through it,
it doesn’t feel like it now,
but you will come through it.
Life will be normal again one day.”

In time Jesus did shatter the dark prison walls that had trapped me for so long. As I trudged along that forlorn track He lead me to signpost after signpost, each nudging me in the right direction, towards being able to cope with depression and finally overcome it.

And now, twenty years after I wrote the above, I am one of those ‘others’ who, having recovered from depression, is leaving signposts along the way for others to follow – and that is the whole purpose of this blog.

And here are some of those signposts…

Although our life may appear to be a complete mess and out of control, this is not the truth.


We need to break depression’s fear, flight, fight cycle in order to reduce the flow of negative adrenalin. It is ironic that in order to do this, we need to accept the very sensations that are disturbing us, since the act of fearing, fleeing or fighting depression and its symptoms/causes is what causes the adrenalin to flow. (1)


Instead of desperately wanting to escape depression and its disturbing symptoms, we need to be willing to live with them by being content whatever our circumstances.


When we accept and learn to live with depression and its symptoms, and let time pass, the flow of adrenalin begins to diminish, and as it diminishes, the symptoms lose their intensity, shorten in duration, and slowly begin to disappear.


And the good news is that we do not need to do this alone or through our own strength.



All verses from NIV.

(1) Signposts 2, 3, and 4 inspired by ‘Self Help for Your Nerves,’ Doctor Claire Weekes, Angus & Robertston Publishers, 1989, p19.