The Joy of Human Interaction

Stop me if you've heard this one:

Sometimes, conversations don't go as planned.

That's because, instead of this:

What actually happens is this:

Because, as my beloved boss says (often), we are f#$%ing human (yes, he is also a psychologist).

Speaker has thoughts in her head. But those thoughts have to get translated into words. Phrases. Sentences. Uhs, Ums, sighs, and pauses. Then add body language, not to mention feelings about what she is saying, thoughts about Listener and how she might respond ... Speaker is unlikely to say exactly what she intends. 

And then.

Listener, whose head is also full of thoughts, hears ... something. Maybe she missed a word or two. Or focused on the tone of voice. Or words instead of body language. Or what's on the menu for dinner. Then whatever Listener heard gets filtered through her experience and relationship with Speaker, as well as Listener's hopes, fears, expectations, and agenda.

Of course, that's only ONE conversational exchange. In your standard conversation, there are NUMEROUS exchanges, all with the potential for misinerpretation, escalating emotions ...

Yeah. It's a wonder we understand each other at all.

For which writers should be thankful. If humans were perfect communicators, our novels wouldn't be very long. And there would be ZERO tension. In real life, being misunderstood is maddening. Misunderstanding can strain or even end relationships. In fiction, it's glorious and necessary.

As you write dialogue and scenes between characters, think about this. If your characters always say exactly what they mean, and the listener understands exactly what the speaker intends to say, then you've got a problem. Your scene will be flat, things will be too convenient, and it won't be complex enough to hold the reader's interest.

The tension, the frustration, the anticipation we feel as readers often comes from the author's ability to depict humans as they actually communicate. Imperfectly.

Do you ever struggle with the problem of perfect communication in your writing?