Tampilkan postingan dengan label Perspective. Tampilkan semua postingan
Tampilkan postingan dengan label Perspective. Tampilkan semua postingan

Minggu, 02 Juli 2017

Boy Toy Perspective makes all the difference


Boy Toy, by Barry Lyga, was recommended to me by Helene Dunbar, who greatly admired the writing (I believe she said you could "bounce a quarter off" it, which sounds just about right) and wanted to know what I thought about the book from a psychological perspective. Once again, thank you, Helene, for recommending it!

Boy Toy is the story of eighteen-year-old Josh Mendel, who has spent the last five years bearing the weight of an open secret. When he was twelve--in seventh grade--he was sexually involved with his social studies teacher, Evelyn Sherman.

Yep.

Helene was right; this book is worth reading for the writing, for the intricate structure of the paragraphs and chapters that drags you back and forth between past and present, sometimes within a single sentence. It's worth reading if you want to see how to give the reader a visceral and jarring experience right along with a character. It's also worth reading for Josh, who is utterly fascinating in all his quirks and interests, and for Rachel, the girl who is closely tied to the crests and troughs of his journey.

It's also worth reading if you want to understand how a few things work. The first thing this book shows in harrowing detail is how a pedophile grooms a child. If you don't know how this happens, maybe you should. Basically, it's pretty common for a pedophile to do a bunch of stuff that lowers the child's guard and makes it more likely the kid will go along with what's happening without telling anyone. Sharing interests. Sharing secrets. Nonsexual touch first, then ... you get it, I'm sure.

As an adult, I recognized each of these steps as Eve lured Josh in. But because it's told from Josh's perspective, you see that he ... doesn't. He is a boy when all this happens. And his world is quite small. I see this all the time in my work with parents as I try to help them understand why a child would behave in a certain way.

When you reach adulthood, it's really easy to forget the perspective of your child self.

That's the second thing Barry Lyga shows brilliantly--the younger Josh's perspective. As an adult, you have a sense of how vast the world is, and your place in it. You have a sense of others' motives, of what they might want from you, that they might not mean what they say. But kids don't know that stuff, and they also don't know they don't know. That makes it disturbingly easy to manipulate them. For Josh, he only knows what he sees. The dark workings of Eve's mind? They don't exist for him. Despite being highly intelligent, the twelve-year-old Josh still has the perspective of a boy, even as his body sexually matures.

Which brings me to the third thing this book depicts with amazing psychological accuracy and heartbreaking detail: how some adults have difficulty understanding sexual abuse against boys when the acts appear to be consensual. The choices Mr. Lyga makes with regard to Josh's age and his physical and intellectual maturity, as well as allowing the reader to see things through Josh's eyes, only heighten that feeling of ambiguity--which is exactly what needs to happen in order to understand how Josh evolves throughout the book.

Although sexual victimization in girls is well-studied, the same is not true for boys. One review of over a hundred studies concluded that this phenomenon is common, underreported, and undertreated. What we know about sexual abuse is that is accounts for a lot of symptoms in kids that have been victims, but there's not ONE behavior that stands out. In other words, there's no single, simple result of being sexually abused.

And yes, that's related to the fourth thing I loved about this book--Josh's unique journey. At the beginning of the book, he's pretty much locked himself in a psychological box, with occasional explosions to relieve the pressure. How he emerges is so satisfying in its complexity (albeit truly heartbreaking at times) that I wouldn't dare spoil it for you. You need to read it for yourself. There's actually a quote I really wanted to share, because it might be my favorite in any book ... ever ... but I won't, because I think it gives too much away (if you've read the book and want to know what it is, email me and I'll tell you!).

Have you read Boy Toy? What did you think? Have you read other books that showed the limited perspective of a young person without patronizing or simplifying? What made it work? Ever read something where it didn't work, and if so, can you put your finger on why it failed?

And because it's Wednesday and the beginning of the month, there's a new question for the Sisterhood of the Traveling Blog: "If you’re querying now, or have in the past, how do you develop patience to wait for responses?" Laura's posted her answer this week right here.

Jumat, 16 Juni 2017

When Suffering or Depression Distorts our Perspective


I have read that some Christians find certain Psalms disturbing, so much so that those Psalms have been dubbed the “uncomfortable Psalms.” In these Psalms, we see the writers lamenting over grievances and apparent injustices, describing the pits of despair and anguish, and even crying out to God and questioning His decisions, actions or apparent lack or action. I think many find these Psalms uncomfortable because they cannot accept that all people will go through periods of suffering.

Having had a difficult, sickly childhood, and later suffering from depression, otosclerosis and epilepsy, I have found great comfort from the uncomfortable Psalms.

Psalm 77, written by Asaph, is one of those Psalms. Asaph is so disturbed that he cannot sleep and spends the night crying out to God. Even so, he cannot find any comfort and only grows weaker. Smitten by chronic insomnia during the early days of depression, I too spent many a night begging God to hear my plea to end my suffering.


Psalm 77:1-3
I cried out to God for help;
I cried out to God to hear me.
When I was in distress, I sought the Lord;
at night I stretched out untiring hands
and my soul refused to be comforted.
I remembered you, O God, and I groaned;
I mused, and my spirit grew faint.
Selah


The weight of Asaph’s troubles is so great that he can no longer see God as a loving God who shows favour to His children. Asaph thinks of better times when He could feel God’s presence and love, and he begins to direct accusing questions towards God. “Will you reject me forever? Will you never show your favour to me again? Has your love for me disappeared forever too? What of your mercy and compassion – are you angry with me?” These are all common reactions for someone suffering from depression.

The fact is that acute suffering such as depression destroys our worldview - we look at everything through depression-coloured glasses. Everything, including our perception of God, looks bleak.

Psalm 77:4-9
You kept my eyes from closing;
I was too troubled to speak.
I thought about the former days,
the years of long ago;
I remembered my songs in the night.
My heart mused and my spirit inquired:
"Will the Lord reject forever?
Will he never show his favor again?
Has his unfailing love vanished forever?
Has his promise failed for all time?
Has God forgotten to be merciful?
Has he in anger withheld his compassion?"
Selah


But Asaph does not stop there, and neither should we. Well aware that he cannot feel God’s favour, love, mercy and compassion because of the severity of his sufferings, Asaph responds by reminding himself of God’s past faithfulness. He starts to recall and meditate on the miracles God did in setting Israel free from slavery when He brought them out of Egypt. That is something that we can do too. We can think back to when we placed our faith in Christ, of the times God provided for our needs, when we found comfort in His Word, when we basked in the knowledge of His love and presence. We can also reflect upon the miracles of God's provision recorded in the Bible, of the way in which Jesus ministered to and cared for the lost and hurting when He came to the world. We can remember Christ's death and resurrection, and what this means to us personally.

Psalm 77:10-15
Then I thought, "To this I will appeal:
the years of the right hand of the Most High."
I will remember the deeds of the LORD;
yes, I will remember your miracles of long ago.
I will meditate on all your works
and consider all your mighty deeds.
Your ways, O God, are holy.
What god is so great as our God?
You are the God who performs miracles;
you display your power among the peoples.
With your mighty arm you redeemed your people,
the descendants of Jacob and Joseph.
Selah


And as we remind ourselves of God’s past faithfulness, we need to remind ourselves that He has not changed - the only thing that has changed is our perception of Him. God is the same God today as He was before we suffered from depression, and will be the same God when we have recovered. Jesus Christ is the same yesterday and today and forever. Hebrews 13:8.

So let our reflections upon His past faithfulness and the knowledge that He has not changed, not only encourage us in the here and now, but also give us hope for the future. Jesus will never let go of us, He will never abandon us, and although we cannot see His footprints, He is there leading us by the hand.

Psalm 77:16-20
The waters saw you, O God,
the waters saw you and writhed;
the very depths were convulsed.
The clouds poured down water,
the skies resounded with thunder; your arrows flashed back and forth.
Your thunder was heard in the whirlwind,
your lightning lit up the world;
the earth trembled and quaked.
Your path led through the sea,
your way through the mighty waters,
though your footprints were not seen.
You led your people like a flock
by the hand of Moses and Aaron.


“My sheep listen to my voice; I know them, and they follow me. I give them eternal life, and they shall never perish; no one can snatch them out of my hand. My Father, who has given them to me, is greater than all; no one can snatch them out of my Father's hand." John 10:27-29

All verses from the NIV.