Minggu, 30 April 2017
Anxiety avoidance and the brain
...people with social anxiety often cope with their problem by avoiding social situations altogether. This is not practical or beneficial. But neither is forcing oneself to show up at parties and just try to ride out the anxiety. A more effective treatment approach might be to combine anxiety-producing exposure with strategies that allow one to gain control over the anxiety trigger cues.Here's how it works in the brains of rats (and by implication in the human brain), according to LeDoux:Michael Rogan, who was a researcher in my lab when the active coping work was first being done, currently treats people with social anxiety. He suggests to his clients with social anxiety that they should, when at a party, identify strategies for temporary escape and avoidance (go into the bathroom, step outside to make a call), and also use previously learned relaxation techniques (controlled breathing, imagery, mindfulness), to “chill out.” In this way, as in the rat studies, behaviors that succeed in reducing anxiety are reinforced, and each subsequent social event is a bit more tolerable.
Much has been learned about the brain mechanisms underlying passive and active coping in rats. Freezing, the rat’s version of passive coping, is known to depend on a specific set of connections in the brain — specifically, between two regions of the amygdala: the one that processes incoming signals about the external world and the one that regulates innate reactions like freezing (via outputs to the lower brainstem). The active coping response, proactive avoidance, by contrast, requires that the information processed in the input region be redirected to a different output controller in the amygdala, one that engages goal-directed actions....
A major conceptual issue is how the re-routing takes place naturally within the amygdala, allowing the shift from freezing to active coping and thereby preventing pathological avoidance and allowing proactive avoidance and agency. Recent work has shown that connections from the prefrontal cortex, a region important in behavioral control, to the amygdala are important in allowing the shift to take place.
The amygdala has long been thought of as the accelerator on the threat train, and the prefrontal cortex the brakes. But the new work suggests that the prefrontal cortex is not just the brakes, but also the switch that controls the track on which the train travels. Figuring out how to more effectively engage the prefrontal cortex in this switching will hopefully suggest new treatment approaches.
Your Children Like to Give You What You Seem to Expect From Them
The problems I list all have a common theme: parents trying to micromanage their children's behavior in one way or another. Parents may protest: "I have to focus on my child's troublesome behavior because they won't stop it." They don't realize that it actually works the other way around: the child won't stop the behavior because the parent keeps focussing on it!
After one of these problems goes on for a while, the situation gets more complicated. The parents and children begin to feed into one another's anxiety and compulsive behavior simultaneously.
In order to solve such a problem, the parents have to be the ones who calm down about the issue first, or the children will be very unlikely to ever calm down and start behaving differently. When the parents do stop micromanaging, other difficult but solvable problems predictably ensue. These are discussed in the last paragraph of this post.
In discussing any problematic parenting issues, there is always a rather devilish and perplexing conundrum that makes any such conversation frought with peril. Many troublesome parenting behaviors are driven by a parent's guilt over their own thoughts and feelings concerning their role as parents, and if one discusses what they may be doing wrong, this adds to their sense of guilt. They therefore often become very defensive and, if anything, dig in their heels. Their problematic practices then get even worse than before!
On the other hand, if they do not really understand what they are doing wrong, they also continue doing it.
A real lose-lose proposition this.
Parental guilt is often increased by negative comments about their parenting practices that come from their own parents, the children's grandparents. This in turn is caused by certain changes in western culture which have been rapidly evolving over the last few decades. I describe these cultural issues in more detail in my last book, in Chapter Two, Don't Blame Us.
Really, looking for someone to blame for family problems is a complete waste of time. The most important questions is, which would you rather do: find fault with people, or actually solve the problems? It is damn near impossible to do both. To naysayers I say, "Grow up!"
The problems are created over several generations, so let's all just blame Adam and Eve, and be done with it.
And so I proceed.
Another frequent explanation, particularly by cognitive-behavioral therapists, is that the problematic parenting practices prevent children from acquiring certain social skills. While that explanation may at times have some truth, many of the "skills" such children are supposed to lack are not exactly rocket science. And these same children often demonstrate in other interpersonal and environmental contexts the very skills they are not supposed to have ever learned!
Kids have minds of their own. Other adults in the house or even in the community may provide a counterweight. Some parents behave more consistently, others much less so. Some are consistently inconsistent. Parents might get sick and tone down their rhetoric for extended periods. A zillion other things may come into play.
If you keep making a huge deal about something your children do or say, they will keep repeating whatever it was so you can continue to obsess about it.
Last - and this is perhaps the most pernicious of all - if you constantly give in to your children's demands out of guilt, but then get angry at them because they are too demanding, then they will fear for your mental stability. In response, they will try to regulate your emotions like a thermostat: If you start to get too angry they will try to make you feel guilty, but if you start to feel too guilty, they will try to piss you off royally.
Sabtu, 29 April 2017
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Monday
ON Friday my partners sister came round with her boyfriend. It was nice to see them both. I then went next door to my friends for a drink.
On Saturday and Sunday I mostly cleaned the house for when my partner comes home! Its been quite relaxing to be honest.
Today I was quite anxious about travelling to hospital with my friend for her hospital appointment, but I kept telling myself that it was a serious appointment and she really needed me there so I just got on with it. Months ago I would have panicked I was too far away from home and would have had to let her down and feel really bad about it, instead I knew I had a mobile phone so I couldnt get 'stuck' anywhere and I was in a hospital - if anything its the safest place to be haha! When she was in her appointment I read my magazine and did a crossword. This really helped me to distract myself from thinking negative thoughts. We got a taxi home and I didnt panic once during the journey!
Tonight Im going to get on a bus, which is the 'homework' my CBT therapist gave me for tomorrow morning. I know Ive left it late but Ive had a busy week and aslong as I actually do it then thats fine, no point stressing myself out with it. After my CBT session Im going bakc to the hospital with my friend. I think doing this again will reinforce the fact that nothing bad will happen to me and that I can travel again. Yipee!
Getting on with things and not thinking up excuses is really helping me to 'quit' anxiety. Instead of thinking "what can I say to get out of this" I just do it instead.
My CBT therapist told me that If I stay in a situation for long enough my anxiety will start to decrease and if I repeat that situation again and again eventually Ill have no anxious feelings towards it. This is my mantra at the moment and im sticking with it.
Again I will repeat what I always say. In October I really thought I shouldnt be here anymore because I was just 'existing' by not fullfiling any of my goals and not going out, now Im beginning to live again. If I can do it so can you!!!! Trust me, Ive been there.
xxx
Jumat, 28 April 2017
How Do You Do It And How Do You Want It
I line-edit:
- Surface stuff: missing words, simple typos and spelling errors.
- Simple mechanics: I have a low tolerance for grammatical errors. I have a lower tolerance for complacency about making them.
- Word choice and language precision: choosing the proper word, phrase, and image is key to strengthening a sentence, a scene ... and sometimes, I do not think that word means what you think it means. I mark clichés and things that just sound off to me.
- Unintended repetition: I mark words, phrases, and dialogue tags if they occur more than once in the same chapter or ... if they bug me.
- Sentence construction and flow: Variation is lovely, and precision is essential. A present participial phrase (if indefinite) must reflect simultaneous action, for example. I'll mark awkward/clunky constructions, flabby prose, say-nothing sentences.
Next comes:
- Scene: it had better be necessary and multifunctional (e.g., not just to show me more about a character, but showing me more about the character while moving the plot forward). I might comment on length if it feels draggy or redundant and suggest a way to trim or rearrange so the scene is tighter. Sometimes I suggest deleting scenes altogether.
- Backstory: only when it's needed, and no more than is essential ... but enough so I can understand what the heck is going on. I comment on the timing and extent of the backstory.
- Setting: Must. Have. Sense. Of. Place. But it must be integrated into the story so the pace is preserved.
- Dialogue: stilted, redundant, boring and purposeless, cover for info-dump, inconsistency in vocabulary/voice/pattern of speech, or anything that just doesn't sound like natural conversation will get marked.
- Characterization: consistency within the character and with the character arc, including intensity of emotion, inner thoughts, mannerisms and other external behaviors, and relationships with other characters. If there are child characters ... I will comment on whether that child's behavior and language is consistent with what I know of child development. And if there is psychopathology or trauma, I will address it both from a technical perspective and a story perspective. For good or ill, I will describe how I feel about the character at any given point.
- Plot arc: I will comment on general plausibility and tension, and identify things that seem illogical or inconsistent (plot holes). I might make predictions for what I think will happen so the writer can see how I'm understanding and interpreting the story--and so the writer can get a sense of how predictable the story is.
There are lots of reasons writers seek beta-readers:
- Simple validation--they just need someone to tell them they're good
- Encouragement--they need gentle suggestions and a ton of positive feedback
- Tell-me-if-I'm-crazy or genre questions--they need someone to honestly tell them if an idea is crap (JD does this one for me all the time) or to help them decide the genre of the piece
- General impression/overall style--more of a broad review of theme, voice, style, plot, and/or characters/relationships
- Specific questions/expert review--review of smaller-scope issues like making sure something is correct from a technical perspective
- Getting the piece ready for agent or editor eyes--this would be the no-holds-barred crit
Which brings me to: BETA, know thyself (no such thing as being all things to all writers)
Followed closely by: Writer, know THYself (if you don't, you're going to get frustrated. Or hurt.)
I'll tell you where to shove that red pen ... |
What kind of beta are you? What do you do well, and when are you not the best fit for a writer?
What are you looking for in a critique, and why? Do you have different beta-readers for different stages of your process, or who have different purposes? What makes you trust your beta(s)? What makes that relationship work?
On the Sisterhood front: be sure to check out Deb Salisbury's post on her writing goals for 2011!
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Dairy 5
I had another counselling session today which focused mainly on confidence. Although I have come to terms with panic, understand it and know how to challenge it, I lacked the confidence to do anything about it.
This is where our old friend avoidance crops up. Its so much easier to avoid 'scary' situations rather than address and confront them. I would constantly refuse to walk the dog, wouldn't travel to university or make excuses because I was frightened of feeling the panic again. Doing this just suffocated me and prevented me from experiencing life. It is a depressing and bleak situation to be in, believe me I know.
But, I am beginning to regain my confidence by talking down the gravity of the situation. I do this by reassuring myself with positive statements and rationality. "I can breathe, I can get to uni, Nothing will happen to me"
I have found doing things independently has also helped me greatly, like when I walked to the hospital by myself and going on jogs. This has shown me I do not have to rely on anybody else. It has also strengthened the reason why I think I am in this situation.
As a child I was very happy but I hardly went to other kids parties, night stay school trips, sleepovers, but did go out with my dad a lot. This helped me to fortify the bond with my parents but not to develop an Independence and over the years prevented me from developing a strong self confidence and belief. I would be the last person to blame my parents because obviously they have protected me, done the best for my life and I love them dearly but I think the refusal to cut the cord right up until university is what caused the stress and ultimately the panic of living in the real world without the emotional and mental tools to do this.
I may be wrong& it could be codswallop as I'm not a psychiatrist but one thing I firmly believe is that stress causes panic attacks. If I feel stressed I let it out instead of 'putting on a brave face'. If I want to cry Ill go and have a cry and I will always talk about how I feel. If you hold your emotions in, it's like a ticking time bomb waiting to explode. It's so important to talk to anybody you can about the way you feel. Don't be worried they'll think your silly or weird, there are thousands of people like you!
Hello there stranger s
You may not remember me. I was this blogger/writer/psychologist who disappeared a month ago, buried under deadlines and copy edits and wild new project excitement.
I'm back!
How are you guys? I feel so disconnected, and have thought of you often in the past few weeks. How about if I give you my updates--and then you can give me yours?
Here are mine:
First round revisions for SCAN are DONE. Hoping the editor is pleased!
I have the just-about final cover for SANCTUM! It's so beautiful, and I'm absolutely thrilled. This cover process could not have been better, and I can't wait to unveil it! More details on that in the very near future.
Copy edits for SANCTUM are done! In fact, the ARCs are being printed! Meep! I'm both giddy and horrifically nervous.
I have some very exciting website/SANCTUM extra things in the works, and I will be talking about those later this month!
I AM GOING TO BE AT BEA at the beginning of June. Oh, man. When I got that call from my editor, I was (am) both terrified and over-the-moon excited. Amazon party at this place. Book signing. Having to wear pants and look presentable. Gah.
Also, this happened:
And this happened:
(Oscar Bestseller is an imprint of Mondadori)
That's mostly it for me. There are a few more things I'll talk about in separate posts. And wow--the happenings in the YA and general publishing community over the last few weeks! I'll be posting my thoughts on some of those in the near future.
But now--what's happening with you? Anything exciting to report?
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Kamis, 27 April 2017
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